False Starts, Near Misses and Dangerous Goods (2017)
A collection of stories about working on the railways; a lot of it about day-to-day life and work, rather than headline events. Particular favourites include:
- Somebody who knew the exact term to put in the report when animals strayed onto the line (bovine, ovine, zoological, …)
- Somebody who knew timetables by memory, and told a colleague exactly how to get around the Swiss network on holiday
- A royal train for the Queen – but nobody thought to ask who would push the button for the sliding doors
- The trials of filming Agatha (1979) at York station, and an apparant gaffe where an HST appears in a shot
- Driving a car with a lion cub as part of a marketing campaign
It’s fun if mostly unremarkable; I was given it by Granddad, but as he suggested it’s going to the charity shop now I’m done.
Quotes and highlights
Anglia Region Control Office, p60:
As well as being responsible for co-ordinating the immediate response to train failures, mishaps and other eventualities affecting train running, the [deputy chief controller (DCC)] would maintain a log of such events and the actions taken. One of the DCCs, Bob Mace, took particular pride in the quality and style of the reporting in his log. Thus, a report of cattle on the line would be headed Incursion’; similarly, sheep on the line was ‘Ovine Incursion’, and horses ‘Equine Incursion’.
One morning, services were interrupted by the presence of a goat on the line at Bishopsgate just outside Liverpool Street. How it got there we never discovered, but Bob duly sorted the problems it caused and trains were soon running normally again whilst Bob made his entry into the log and prepared to give it a title. But what was the appropriate adjective for goat? For once he was stumped – just momentarily, for he then remembered that Richard Morris the Anglia Region operations manager had a degree in Classics, so he would be bound to know.
Bob stood up, strode out of the office, turned right down the corridor then left into Richard’s office.
‘Morning guv, what’s the adjective associated with goat?’
‘Caprine!’ was the immediate response. Bob did an about-turn, hastened back down the corridor to the control office and completed the entry with the title “Caprine Incursion’.
Two weeks later Bob was on late turn when there was an interruption to the region’s services, which Bob daly logged as caused by’a llama and its friend an emu on the railway line, but when it came to finishing the entry with a title Bob was once again stumped. Without further hesitation he shot out of the office, down the corridor and into ‘the Governor’s office. However, with remarkable foresight, Richard Morris had chosen not to be in the office that afternoon so was not available for his reputation to be sorely tested.
Bob returned slowly to his own office, pondered a moment and then with a flourish entitled the entry ‘Zoological Incursion’!
Out at the site of this zoological incursion the local, permanent-way gang had rounded up the llama and returned it to its owner, but the emu was last seen running away towards London on the Up line. The signalman, with commendable presence of mind and devotion to duty, proceeded to carry out Absolute Block Regulation 23 and sent the bell signal 4-5-5 for, in this case, ‘an emu running away in right direction’!
Page 148, Philip Benham:
Given the status of King’s Cross as the starting point for much of the eastern side of England and Scotland, such royal journeys were a regular occurrence. As a result I met most members of the royal family, with the formalities often much more relaxed at such late hours of the night. This was particularly so with the younger royals, who would often arrive from an evening’ engagement’ having clearly enjoyed themselves!